The Secret Of Happiness

I think the secret of happiness is that you’re not supposed to be happy.

Not for for very long at least.

Rather than striving for happiness, I think we should be striving for contentedness. I think happiness may be a byproduct that cannot be created directly, but can only be cultivated indirectly by developing contentedness.

The human mind (and likely more influential, our emotions) seem designed to generate dissatisfaction, apathy, taking things for granted, and generally being unappreciative of what you have, and as quickly as possible.

I don’t think we can change this. And I think trying to change this is what leads to a lot of unnecessary unhappiness. But I also think we can be aware that this is the way the mind-emotion system functions, and plan accordingly.

Meditation Technique: Virtual Reality

Here’s a simple way to cultivate the state of mind that meditation techniques are designed to help you achieve: pretend the environment around you is actually a virtual reality simulation.

The Zen Of Fixing Mini-Blinds

If you ever try to deep clean your mini blinds, as a bonus you will also learn how to repair one of the slats. It will be one near the top, of course.

But as an added bonus, it will also help you reach enlightenment.

Dabblers and Perfectionism

One of my current “overthink” topics is the distinction between the dabbler and the exclusionary. Or the “jack of all trades, master of none” versus the “master of one”.

It occurred to me that perhaps the dabbler mindset is yet another camouflaged appearance of perfectionism.

Perfectionist Slob

I used to be a slob. It wasn’t pathological, but it did get pretty bad for a period of time.

I started a new routine a few weeks ago where I applied the mechanics of my daily drawing practice to cleaning up my house: do it regularly, and don’t worry about doing a perfect job. Just establish the habit/practice/routine of doing it regularly.

My main goal was mental health: I realized after cleaning up one weekend how much I preferred the experience of a clean house over a messy one. I joked to myself, “Why do I ever let it get messy if I like it clean so much?” But then it struck me that it was no different than my previous lack of effort in creating art regularly: I needed a routine.

But as I was cleaning the house the second weekend, the deeper reality of why my cleaning habits were so lax become apparent: it was a side-effect of perfectionism. 

Perfectionism Hangover

Perfectionism is a dangerous cocktail. A few sips early in life can have undesirable long-terms effects. Typically comprised of 80-proof attention, with an external validation chaser, perfectionism is rarely taken straight. Most often, it’s a mixed drink that includes, self-worth, ego and esteem in unhealthy ratios.

Perfectionism isn’t just “a glass of wine with dinner” — there’s nothing wrong with aiming to do your best. Instead, it’s a beer bong fed from the keg. One feels obligated to chug away until the cheers and accolades of the onlookers is attained. But those accolades always seem to be receding, so the chugging continues. And continues.

But this can only be maintained for so long, and eventually the perfectionist becomes a teetotaler. You can’t fail at something you don’t attempt. And the perfectionist, like the one shot-gunning a beer, has wrapped up their identity as someone who is the best beer shot-gunner there is. Better to rely on your established reputation as a party animal if you’re unable to maintain the same level of drinking prowess. You might end up puking, and that would be a devastating revelation that you’ve sank low from your former glory. But there is another solution. 

Don’t Do Your Best

The perfectionist artist is constantly near or in that mindset where one has built up internal expectations extraordinarily high because it’s been so long between creative output. Because one hasn’t created anything in a long time, somehow the belief that the very next creation needs to somehow “make up for lost time”.

I suspect it’s yet another subconscious procrastination technique designed to hold off the feared judgment of the results. Again, the perfectionist fears results because they have come overidentify themselves with their creations. A negative judgement on the creation is seen as a negative judgment of the self. Curiously, the perfectionist never seems to place the same validity on positive feedback, nor give it equal importance. No doubt a result of the negativity bias of the brain. In other words, it’s not “you”, it’s just an artifact of how the brain works.

Yes, yet another insidious form of Resistance. But there is a solution  

Failure Is The Engine of the Economy

It struck me recently that the economy is actually built upon failures, as opposed to successes.

One would think that it was all the money generated by the huge successes that really powers everything. But really, the bulk of the results in business are failures — or more accurately, unsuccessful attempts. Most of the projects out there don’t succeed (or rather, result in a successful attempt). But there is money spent trying — people to hire, resources to purchase, advertising, support, design, manufacture, printing. And I’m sure there are plenty more industries involved that I am overlooking. But these “failures” far, far outweight the successes we actually hear about. And a lot of money was spent on those attempts.

This got me to wondering if this perspective is something that we can apply to our own businesses, own own “micro-economies”, to help us fuel a more successful version with the understanding of the collectively generative power of unsuccessful attempts.

Indifference Guru

One of the demons I’ve had to repeatedly face along my path of creating and sharing my artwork on a daily basis has the indifference to which the creations are received. I know that far more followers on various social media outlets see these posts than do those who interact with them (like, star, fave, etc) because other, non-art posts on those services get that kind of interaction. Not a ton, but enough to contrast that which the art gets.

As a recovering over-identifying artist, this can be a constant jab at the ego. In a way, this was one of the things I wanted to face directly with this practice. Increased production requires the relinquishment of other consumption habits. Social media was an early time-sink that I let go. You discover quickly how tenuous those connections actually were when there isn’t a mutually-flowing dopamine reward of recognition maintained. As Stephen Pressfield says in “The War of Art“, “There is no tribe”.

After a recent vacuum of response from a posted drawing, again the hurt ego reared up and attempted to begin the indignant tirade against its perceived oppressors. But a thought crept in, which slowly defused this rant. I had really been enjoying this last round of art creation. I felt at home, in a style which came easily and allowed me to create more. I knew there was something deeper going on here. 

Psychological Stone Soup: A Recipe for Self-Development

When I get someone’s ear long enough to get up on a small soapbox and suggest an entry to the path of self-development, I always point to making the bed and washing the dishes. These habits are all about starting small. So small, if fact, that they might barely even be considered self-development. Let me explain why I think both are key habits to establish.